Well hello my dear blog. Sorry for the extended break.

June 10th,2010
Here's a recap of the recent events:

End of May: This was an unusually calm time. I didn't have very many finals to study for, and it mostly consisted of final presentations. My new hair extensions came in the mail. :)

June:
1st-4th: This concluded my sophomore year. Finals, but mostly sitting through classes with nothing to do. I picked up job applications.

Left:As you can see, cleaning out my locker was no small feat. Center: Andrew,reading my yearbook,which I was disappointed with.

8th: I went to the dentist and sat through 2 fillings. Excruciating pain. Ew. Shopping after.

9th: I filled out more job apps. Oh hurrah!


10th(Hey,that's today!): Slow day, I slept in till around 1. After I nearly defeated the Twilit Fossil Stallord in Twilight Princess(Yes,I am clearly obsessed), I went off to the dentist's and got 3 more fillings. Three cheers for having a slurred speech and numb mouth~!

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Well,I suppose that sums up just about everything important. I feel like I'm wasting my summer, as I've only managed to complete two things on my big "Summer Plans" list. If I ever get hired, these tasks will be much,much easier to get accomplished. I keep putting off my driver's training. I wonder if he's going to call and yell at me. Haa. I've been trying to tan lately. It's worked! But...only my upper back and arms are tanned.  Adios,for now. <33

 

April 17,2010
It's funny how things you never thought would change, somehow end up changing. And the memories you could swear you had let go of, come back to haunt you like you never spent the time trying to forget. And even though you're starting to move on, starting to fall for someone new, you can't help but look back. Though you know it's wrong to dwell on things which are in the past, you long for everything to go back to the way you used to know so well.

I miss that tiny strip mall. The nights of summer rain, doing nothing but singing silly songs. Pigging out on cookies and fruit juice. Playing Final Fantasy all day long.

Maybe what I'm missing most of all is that secure, definite feeling. The one that only he made me feel. And now I realise I've never been over him. This entire 4 years, subconsciously, I never let go. I filled my life with people I had hope could change me. But yet at the end of the day, when the make up comes off and the tears fall, I knew deep inside, it was him, and only him could take this pain away. But I had missed all chances of that happening. Though my heart had grown stronger than when I'd lose him before, it still cut me.

Yet I've never been able to feel as much as I did for him, I don't think it'd be impossible to do so. I'm certain it won't be any time soon, but the memories are fading. Talking on the phone till 3am. Discussing our future plans. Playing silly games over web cam. Proving my love was greater. Texting him at every spare chance I had. Bawling my eyes out to him. Writing him letters. Grocery shopping where our nicknames came about. Fighting over foolish things we knew neither of us would win. Doing whatever it took to talk to him. The day he called me after he got out of the airport. The day he called while I was in church, after a week without speaking to him. The regret I felt when I left him. The tears in his eyes. The moment I realized he had blocked me. The day I had poured my heart and soul into a 7 page text message. When he was there for me, unlike anyone else. Wishing him happy holidays when the time came. The video's we made for each other. The way he made my heart melt. The way he was just Robert, and I was just Amber and all we knew is that we were in love.


Without you, I'm so empty. I miss everything, with all that I am. I've written out my heart through those letters. I've tried to verbalize my love with those videos. We'd never been perfect. We always fought. We made each other cry. We fucked up. But at the end, I don't think there's any way I will ever be able to live without you. You were my everything, my whole world. With you, I could stand going through anything because you completed me. I know there's only one way you will be with me again. But maybe if your love is conditional, well, perhaps you're really not my true love. Because my true love would see through all the things I did and take me back into his arms. <33